Included :
Listening
Labels
Importance
REBT and Semantics
General Semantics
Miscellaneous
Listen...
"I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." -Unknown
It may seem like semantics, but hearing is an involuntary response and listening is a voluntary action. They key is remembering that you can actually listen to whatever you like. You can interpret anything the way you choose. You can decide whether or not something that is said is offensive or complimentive. Unfortunately, few of us take responsibility for what we listen to.
Make yourself responsible for your perceptions. Keep the power of listening right where you are. Honor yourself by taking responsibility and honor the other by realizing that sometimes what is heard is different than what is listened to.
Listen for love. Listen for patience. Listen for understanding.
Labels
By learning to name things a child does not simply add a list of artificial signs to his previous knowledge of ready-made empirical objects. He learns rather to form the concepts of those objects, to come to terms with the objective world. Henceforth the child stands on firmer ground. His vague, uncertain, fluctuating perceptions and his dim feelings begin to assume a new shape. They may be said to crystallize around the name as a fixed center, a focus of thought.
A "name" (label) involves for a given individual a whole constellation or configuration of labeling, defining, evaluating, etc., unique for each individual, according to his socio-cultural, linguistic environment and his heredity, connected with his wishes, interests, needs, etc.
Importance
The structure of anything, whether it be a language, house, machine, etc., must be in terms of relations. To have "structure" we must have a complex or network of ordered and interrelated parts. The only possible link between the nonverbal and verbal levels is found in terms of relations; and, therefore, relations as factors of structure give the sole content of all human knowledge. Thus, we may realize the importance of the structure of a language, any language. Bertrand Russell and Ludwig Wittgenstein were the important pioneers in devoting serious attention to the problem of structure.
REBT
Absolutist Shoulds and Musts
Korzvbski did not clearly differentiate between people's preferences and their demands, as REBT does, nor did he show how when they take their preferably shoulds and change them into absolute, unconditional shoulds, they make themselves neurotic. But he implied that virtually all absolutist, unconditional thinking encourages us to make ourselves "unsane."
Thus, when speaking against identity, he said, "'Identity' as a 'principle' is defined as 'absolutely sameness in "all" ("every") respects.' It can never empirically be found in this world of ever changing processes, nor on silent levels of our nervous systems.
REBT shows that when you believe, "I preferably should succeed and win the approval of significant others," you explicitly or tacitly include buts and alternative solutions to your desires, such as: "But if I don't succeed, I can try harder next time. ""But if I'm not approved of too bad, but it's not the end of the world." When your preferably shoulds are not fulfilled, REBT holds, you normally feel healthily sorry, disappointed, and frustrated (rather than unhealthily panicked, depressed, and self-hating).
On the other hand, when you strongly believe, "Because I want to succeed and be approved of by significant others, I absolutely, under all conditions and at all times must do so," you create anxiety when you may not do well and severe depression when you do not act well or win other's approval. For with your absolute, under all conditions shoulds and musts, you allow yourself no alternative solutions to your desires, box yourself in, and needlessly make yourself miserable.
General Semantics and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy
Albert Ellis Reader
General Semantics
"General Semantics." The premises are very simple and may be stated by means of an analogy:
1. A map is not the territory. (Words are not the things they represent.)
2. A map covers not all the territory. (Words cannot cover all they represent.)
3. A map is self-reflexive. (In language we can speak about language.)
General-semantics As A System for Improving Human Relationships
by Milton Dawes
General-semantics was developed by Alfred Korzybski, a Polish mathematician and engineer, some 50 years ago. It was the culmination of many years of research into, and observation of, our human behaviors in their diverse forms of expression. The system was designed as a general theory of sanity -- toward continuing improvements in all areas of human interactions and relationships. It is concerned not only with our relationships with others but also our relationship with ourselves. General-semantics is based on the postulate that the structure, method, psycho-logics of science and the principles of mathematics are demonstrations of the human nervous system functioning at optimum efficiency and effectiveness. Furthermore, if we study and apply the method and principles of science and mathematics to our everyday interactions and relationships, and to all our human affairs, we will achieve a measure of success comparable to that achieved by scientific and mathematical activities. From a general point of view, one need not be a scientist to have a scientific orientation.
General-semantics can be considered as an explicit formulation and generalization of characteristics that are implicit in scientific and mathematical activities. The following represents a brief outline of some of these characteristics.
In science, we find that there is a tacit validation of the “principle of non-allness”. This says that “We cannot know, understand, perceive, say, etc., all about anything.” The acknowledgment of this principle is indicated by “continuing observation and inquiries which often lead to review and updating of accepted theories” as new information comes to light. (This can be considered as “learning” at the species level and can be applied to all areas of human behavior.)
The sharing of ideas, insights, information, knowledge, etc., between individuals, and across generations, and the resulting exponential increase of knowledge, are fundamental features of scientific and mathematical activities. Korzybski called this unique human behavior time-binding. He cautioned that we retard the development of our individual and species potentials, and that we jeopardize our individual sanity , and concomitantly the survival of human beings, when we individually or collectively disregard or suppress this special talent.
Science is concerned with how things are related to each other. And in quantum physics, but not yet in science generally, how we relate things to each other. General-semantics is a system fundamentally concerned with how we relate things to each other, and the problems that occur when we forget that we construct the models, and when we forget to differentiate between map, map making and whatever it is we think we are mapping.
General-semantics is concerned with our human values and our evaluations. What we do and how we do what we do depends on the values-knowledge-beliefs-hopes-fears-expectations, etc., that motivate our decisions and responses. In a world (including people) which operates on its own terms and in which action/reaction is a fundamental feature, the values, etc. which motivate our behavior should be based on reasonably accurate and up-to-date knowledge -- if they are not to be in conflict but in harmony with cosmic structures and codes of operation. Science and scientific methods provide us with the most reliable methods so far for gaining and applying “accurate” and up-to-date maps and models of the world we live in, to all aspects of our human relations.
General-semantics can be considered as a system that sets standards for very high order of critical awareness and evaluating. This very high order of critical behavior is also a fundamental feature of scientific activities although its applications are presently more restricted than is expressed in general-semantics. This very brief outline must not be taken as expressing the final statement about the system called general-semantics. The fact that “nothing says it all” is one of the fundamental formulations of the system.
To Begin Further Study and Understanding
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Miscellaneous --- But Significant
When discussing subjects or issues with others, Try to "own" what you say. State things in the first person where appropriate. Ex. instead of:.." You should try to be aware of your thoughts to make progress." Say ... "I find it helps me when I am aware of my thoughts, so I make progress." You will internalize the concept faster as well as reduce the implication that you are "preaching".
Use of "I messages" rather than "You messages" avoids unnecessary conflict and criticism. Leran to express concerns in a non-judgemental way.
Also...Minimize the of the use of the question "Why". If you have a child you know how "annoying" it can be. More direct to the point however, In many cases the "how's, where's when's and what's are more pertinent and elicit a greater and more specific "depth" of inquiry.
Finally... The Concept of E-Prime. This focuses on the use of the tenses of the verb " To Be", ie. I am, she is, they are. To avoid the tendancy to "see" people or yourself as their or your behavior try to minimize its use. If you avoid saying " I am angry" or "I am an addict", it forces you to more accurately describe the situation as " I feel angry" or "I have a few addictive behaviors". Due to the prevalence of the verb "To Be" in the English language this may be somewhat cumbersome to employ at first. The effort though creates more precise and accurate communication skills and internal thoughts.
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