Question: Understanding that to accomplish some things you often need to
force yourself to do them, if you want to get them done, how do you
actually force yourself? From experience, not so easily.

Answer: You force yourself by first giving up the irrational,
self-defeating belief that because you want them to be done easily, without
effort, there should be an easy, magical way to do things. Then you accept,
without necessarily liking, several grim facts of life:

(1) Things won't do themselves--not very often!

(2) You'll benefit by doing them and do yourself in by procrastinating.

(3) It's often hard, but not too hard, to do them.

(4) If things are hard to do, that's the way they should be--hard.

(5) As Benjamin Franklin said, 'There are no gains without pains.'

(6) There's one main way to accomplish things--PYA (Push Your Ass).

(7) If you don't, you're not an idiot, but you have acted idiotically this
time!

(8) It's hard to change, but its harder if you don't.

Above All --- REMEMBER ---
YOU CAN STAND IT!

A "Disaster"-Prepardness Plan

A Post from the SMART Recovery Message Board
Check it Out

Hi Guys,

I wanted to add to what Marky suggested about having a pre-determined plan in response to a desire to drink after an established period of sobriety.

I devised one after several months sober and refer to it as my Disaster-Preparedness plan. Although I do realize that the title may infer "awfulizing", it is more symbolic of my resolve to not return to old behaviors that I BELIEVE will ultimately cost me my freedom.

I felt the Plan was in my best interests as I had previously had 2 six-month periods of abstinence and at the end of both, consciously and deliberately CHOSE to drink again with the goal of moderation. At the time, I thought the choice of moderation was reasonable and obtainable. It was surprising how quickly the drinking escalated but I now know those old patterns returned because I did not have the knowledge nor the tools to effectively recognize and change the beliefs that led to my problem drinking. Although SMARTer now, I devised a plan of action to be implemented in the event that my usual disputations and rational thinking processes fail for some "out of the blue" reason.

My Plan is to be implemented if I ever seriously consider that I want to have A drink.

1. For the first 24 hours, I may do nothing- I may not drink under any circumstance. I simply consider the thought of having a drink as simply an urge- no big deal. Dispute and distract for 24 hours.

2. If after 24 hours, I continue to think that I would like to have a drink and explore moderation, then for 6 days, I give this thought some serious work. I explore it, write about it (ABC, etc), do another Cost Benefit Analysis for this particular time frame, and invest the time and energy a potentially life changing decision deserves.

3. If after these 7 days, I believe that I still would like to have A drink and that moderation is in my best interests, then I must present my work (done in # 2) to my SMART friends. I believe that they will listen to me, that they care about my best interests, and that they will be objective. If they concur that my new beliefs meet the test of rationality, that my new plans meet my stated goals, and they feel comfortable with my choice to moderate, then I may proceed with caution.

Since passing the 6-month marker with SMART, I have encountered a very powerful urge to drink on only 1 occasion- in the middle of packing up and moving to a new home. Triggers (to drink), old patterns of thinking, emotional upheaval (frustration, anger), fatigue- I threw them all together for one strong desire to get plowed. And I implemented the plan. For an hour, I drove around disputing the urge to pull into every liquor store along my section of the FL coastline. And that's a lot of disputing!! That was the worst of it- one hour. And what saved me was that I just kept telling myself that the decision TO drink was going to be as RATIONAL as the decision NOT TO drink. That's what my plan called for, that's what I had committed to, and that's what I was going with.

Of course, I never got to step # 2. Within 24 hours, I was back on track and making choices appropriate to meeting my goals. And as importantly, I carefully and thoroughly examined what happened that led me to encounter such a strong urge to drink. I was "off track". I had failed to recognize the warning signs. Somewhere I had gotten off balance and I wanted to explore that and learn from it.

As far as NEEDING this site: I am not concerned that I will make an inappropriate decision because I do not visit this board daily for I have learned skills and have the knowledge and tools to carry me towards my goals independent of this support group. However, in addition to providing me with new information, insight, and opportunities for growth, this forum reinforces what I have learned and implemented to make the wonderful changes to my lifestyle. I value my SMART friendships and find it comforting to visit here each day. Thanks for being here.

Carol

FAST

Focused Attention-Selection Tool

Thought I'd share a little detail about how I helped increase the odds that I'd notice the opportunity to be inspired by a heron's graceful flight, as happened for me recently.

This is what I call my 'Focused Attention-Selection Tool' or 'FAST' for short. It often gets fairly fast & nice results! Without negative side-effects!

I sometimes use FAST to help myself get the most out of my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. FAST is a learned habit that directs the attention of my senses to sights or sounds that feel good and also help me get a better grasp on something I am presently learning. These sights and sounds are all around us, the trick is to notice them. For practice, pay attention whenever possible to all the different views you can get of the moon, like when it is high or low in the sky or how its colors and shape seem different one night to the next. Pay attention, also, to how you feel when you notice one or another change in the moon's appearance. (Or is it the stars that stand out to you at night? If you Focus, you'll find out.) FAST is not about 'remembering to smell the flowers,' however.

Sometimes, as you all know, it's not easy to get Thoughts, Feelings, Intentions (goals)—or Actions—all in sync. By 'in sync,' I mean, getting these aspects of 'being me' working-together to create a harmony and rhythm that I really like, that I can dance to… that I can live to. FAST can be especially beneficial at times we would really prefer NOT to stop, change, or interrupt strong feelings. Rather, we might prefer on some occasions to deeply experience and learn from emotion, feel it but not be overwhelmed or frightened by it. At times like this in the past, I myself might have chosen to drink.

After I figured out that I was not willing to pay the high costs of my drinking habit, I began seeking, discovering, and learning other ways to enhance the emotions that can happen during important or especially meaningful moments or events. I used to drink, partly at least, to protect myself from my (irrational) fear of being overwhelmed or frightened by the sheer intensity or strength of my emotions. Disputing the irrational beliefs which kept that fear alive, and discovering the benefits of Focused Attention-Selection, have worked well together, in my personal 'tool box.' Having FAST down as a good strong habit now (after lots of practice) helps to ensure that I won't miss inspiring, comforting, or empowering sights, like that heron sailing with such ease and grace over the water. FAST helps me be sure I won't miss out on the potential meaningful-ness of my emotions.

Anyone can learn to make frequent choices about where to direct your Attention. Before long, Focused Attention-Selection can become one of those automated coping tools, those processes that don't use 'much RAM' or conscious effort. In other words, FAST can become a habit. (Some habits make for health and happiness! What a deal!)

With my eyes, ears, and mind open, FAST guarantees that I won't miss out on the benefits of the best sights and sounds in the world around me. Like that heron's flight.

It helps to remember: Self-management includes much more than will-power or discipline! Self-Mangement And Recovery Training, i.e. SMART, is really as much about moving toward what we want, as it is about moving away from what we no longer want. For example, I want to continue moving toward sights, sounds, people, & experiences that are inspiring... that help me comprehend, learn from, or build upon, the meaningful-ness of my life. I have a desire to move toward opportunities. You may have similar or other desires, about what you wish to move toward in your life.

After a couple years of abstinence, I no longer think like I used to, about how to get away from drinking and its hurtful consequences. Now, like many others, I think mostly about how to move toward that which enhances my life.

So, if you're ever struggling with DISPUTEs or ABCs or CBAs, you might take a moment to Focus, so you can quickly scan the world around you, and then shift your Attention to where you like it. Hold it there for a long moment. Now enjoy the results, as you return to whatever you were about.

You'll soon learn where to look or listen, how to turn your senses to that which is most soothing or inspiring or exciting (whichever you're most needing will stand right out for you, with only a little practice). Result? You'll probably have more success with your efforts to make SMART tools and the 4-Point concepts work for you. And... more and more you'll find yourself focusing on your freedom to create the life of your dreams.

Enjoy!

Kate
your K8PA :-)

How To Deal With Backsliding

Accept your backsliding as normal- as something that happens to almost all people who at first improve emotionally and then fall back. See it as part of your human fallibility. Don't make yourself feel ashamed when some of your old symptoms return, and don't think that you have to handle them entirely by yourself and that it is weak for you to seek some additional help from others about your renewed problems.
When you backslide, look at your self-defeating behavior as bad and unfortunate, but refuse to put yourself down for engaging in this behavior. Us the highly important REBT principle of refraining from rating your self or your being and of measuring only your acts, deeds, and traits. You are always a person who acts well or badly- and never a good?or bad?person. No matter how badly you fall back and bring on your old disturbances again, work at fully accepting yourself with this unfortunate or weak behavior, and then try- and keep trying- to change your behavior.

Go back to the ABC of REBT and clearly see what you did to fall back to your old symptoms. At A (Activating Events) you usually experienced some failure or rejection. At rational belief B, you probably told yourself that you didn't like failing and didn't want to be rejected. If only you had stayed with the rational beliefs, you would have only felt merely sorry, regretful, disappointed, or frustrated. But if you felt disturbed, you probably then went on to some irrational beliefs (IBs) such as: I must not fail! It's horrible when I do!?I have to be accepted? If you reverted to these IBs, you probably felt, at C (emotional consequences) once again depressed and self-downing. Use the ABC process as illustrated throughout much of our literature, reading material, and demonstrated live at online meetings to dispute (D) these IBs and form new effective beliefs (E).

Keep looking for, finding, and actively and vigorously disputing your irrational beliefs to which you have once again relapsed and that are now contributing to your feeling anxious or depressed. Keep doing them over and over, until you build intellectual and emotional muscle.
Ellis says No matter how clearly you see that you upset yourself and make yourself needlessly miserable, you rarely will improve except through work and practice- yes, considerable work and practice- to actively change your disturbance-creating Beliefs and to vigorously (and often uncomfortably) act against them.?

Don't fool yourself into believing that if you merely change your language you will always change your thinking. Again Ellis: If you mildly Dispute your irrational Beliefs (iBs) you may not change them and keep them changed. Therefore, you had better powerfully and persistently argue against them and persuade yourself that they are false. You may for a while find it easy to change your feelings. But you're better keep working, working, working to maintain your gains.?

Convince yourself. Here's where the real work begins. It would be short sighted to believe that one or two exposures to a concept could totally make it yours. A long-time Smartie once told me the number one cause of relapse is lack of coping skills?If you have only a brief acquaintance with the skills presented here rather than a solid understanding built thorough study and repetition, how can you expect them to come to your aid when you need the most? Coping skills are learned like any other skills: first, learning them, then by practice and repetition until they become ingrained. Keep working on your disputes and coping skills until you are thoroughly convinced, not just mildly believing.

The hard work mentioned by Ellis can include:

a.. Written Work: The first exercise suggested by most here is the Cost Benefit Analysis (CBA). OK, you know that. But, do you really have one written down? Have you looked at it more than once or twice? This can be a powerful tool when it is utilized in the manner suggested. It should be an ongoing work that is revised, added to, and referred to in the face of temptation. Just having a general outline in your mind is not nearly as powerful as seeing your thoughts take form on paper. It can truly be illuminating.

We used to talk about homework around here but it is a topic that has fallen away in recent days. I would not propose to be anyone's schoolmaster but you can, yourself, start your own written analysis of the IB's that are particular to you. As you dispute those, continued emotional discomfort on your part might signal other IB's that you still have to unearth. The written disputes of today might be forgotten 6 months from now and having a written record of these can help you from starting all over again.

b.. REI: Rational Emotive Imagery is another underutilized tool that is so powerful, if practiced for a regular period of time (Ellis suggests at least 30 days). Ellis provides a dramatic, live demonstration at his seminars. You can learn more about this technique in most any Ellis book. The key concept in REI is practicing cooler?thoughts. Sort of sounds like our PPP. (Practice, Patience, and Persistence).

c.. Taped Disputes: One powerful way to do highly powerful, vigorous disputing is to use a tape recorder and to state one of your strong irrational beliefs into it. Figure out several disputes to this IB and present them strongly on this same tape. Listen to your disputing on tape. Do it over in a more forceful and vigorous manner and listen again, listening until you get better and better disputes. Keep listening to it until you see that you are able to convince yourself that you are becoming more powerful and more convincing.

Reading and Owning the material: It is said numerous times in the meetings: to think rationally, rather than irrationally. Yes, you can look up the definitions of the two words, but does that really give you much more than a general help? If I weren't already in the habit of thinking irrationally, I wouldn't be here in the first place. How can I learn to think more rationally? Learning how to think?is a skill. If you haven't read any of the authorities recommended in the suggested reading material, who could blame you for not being too adept at spotting thinking disorders? An excellent book that points this out is "Feeling Good?by David D. Burns. He refers to 10 Cognitive Distortions and give lots of examples and exercises on how to recognize them. It is also the list that I have seen Betty recently utilize. You might have read the list at one time, but do you own the material?well enough to spot faulty thinking in your everyday thoughts?
If you still feel like you don't really have a grasp on a lot of the basics, or these concepts just don't come to your rescue when you need them, one should ask themselves, What resources have I invested in to help make this material mine? Do you have the Smart Manual in your library? Do you have a resources library? (Not demanding, just suggesting. )

Topics: Pat (Skywiz) has been a real mentor to myself and many others here too. His knowledge of REBT and related topics and his grasp of how it all fits together is sometimes astounding. How did that man get to be so Smart? I know that he has read and continues to read every book he can get his hands on to learn as much as he can about this subject and all related topics. As you start to explore and learn, you realize that getting sober is just the first step. The implications and applications of REBT and a balanced life-style can become an on-going search leading you from topic to topic. Other topics of interest that intertwine with REBT may be:

a.. USA (Unconditional Self Acceptance). Surprisingly it is not the same as self-esteem. Pat has an excellent piece on his website (www.skysite.org) on USA.

b.. Guilt- A topic brought up in most every meeting I have attended. An excellent book is Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda.. Overcoming regrets, mistakes, and missed opportunities? Dr. Arthur Freeman and Rose DeWolf.

c.. Urges- Do you know the four common misconceptions about urges? The pamphlet available from Smartrecovery (for only $4.95!) the Pocket Therapist?gives you 20 Tips To Defeat Urges, 10 Ways to Prevent Relapses, What To Think When an Urge Hits. Now WHO couldn'tuse that!

d.. Anger- For many of us, when we don't get our way, we get angry. Useful IB's and disputes about this subject abound in the book "How to control your anger before it controls you? Ellis and Raymond Chip Tafrate.

e.. Semantics- You will notice a distinct concentration (some say nit-picking) about ones choice of words around here. The subject of semantics delves into how our language says so much about what we think. Having trouble unearthing your IBs? What you say might help you zero in on them. That is why you might have seen the ATW (Automatic Thought Warning) that we have employed form time to time. A useful device to make us more aware of what we are saying.

I have only touched on a few topics and the field is open to wherever it leads you. It reminds me of websurfing. I start out researching one topic, see another interesting topic and surf over there, and hours later find myself 6 or 7 topics away! Anyone having trouble coming up with a Vital Consuming Interest (VCI)?

In conclusion, backsliding isn't the end of the world. It is quite natural. Rather than the awful, terrible?event that we so often portray it to be, it could be the impetus for us to get back to some much needed personal work. It can even help us to go back to some areas that we originally glossed over the first time around. With this attitude of healthy disappointment for our behavior, (rather than unhealthy attitudes that stifle growth) we can get back to the basics of the ABCs and REBT that helped us in the first place. We can keep looking for and vigorously disputing our irrational beliefs. We won't fool ourselves that we have done the work?by only mildly believing but we will continue working hard until we are thoroughly convinced of the truth of our disputes and the rational choices we have chosen to make. Learning and ?aking our own?the basic concepts of REBT will help us avoid the kind of thinking errors that caused the incident of backsliding for the future.

(Portions of this article were taken from the Ellis Article Maintain and enhance your rational emotive behavior gains) submitted by Ali on SMART REC