Are You Aware of Your Thoughts ?
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An event is interpreted, judged and labelled in such a way that a particular
emotional response is inevitable. You are constantly describing the world to
yourself, giving each event or experience some label. You make interpretations
of what you see or hear, you judge events as good or bad, painful or
pleasurable, you predict whether they will bring danger or relative safety.
Since childhood people have been telling you what to think. You have been
conditioned by family, friends and the media to interpret events in certain
ways.
These labels and judgements are fashioned from the unending dialogue you have with yourself, and colour all your experience with private meanings. The thoughts are constant and rarely noticed, since they are without prior reflection or reasoning, but they are powerful enough to stimulate your most intense emotions. Such "self-talk" is often composed of just a few essential words or a brief visual image, acting as a label for a collection of painful memories, fears or self-reproaches. They would be seen as unrealistic, exaggerated and over-generalised if reviewed objectively, but in practice they appear automatically in response to stimuli. They just pop into the mind and are believed without being questioned or challenged, nor are their implications and conclusions subjected to logical analysis. Automatic thoughts are often couched in terms of "should", "ought" or "must" and their negatives. Each iron-clad "should" precipitates a sense of guilt, or loss of self-esteem. Also automatic thoughts tend to be pessimistic, always expecting the worst and are the major source of anxiety. Because they are reflexive and plausible, automatic thoughts weave unnoticed through the fabric of your own (conscious) thinking. They seem to come and go with a will of their own and they also tend to act as cues for each other - one depressing thought triggering a chain of associated thoughts reinforcing the depression. To consider something is awful, is to attach a self-created traumatic tag to what is in reality simply what is there. Preoccupation or obsession with one type of thought causes tunnel vision, in which only those aspects of existence that support that way of thinking are recognised. The result is one predominant and usually quite painful emotion, such as chronic anger, anxiety or depression. Tunnel vision is the foundation of neurosis and is the opposite of awareness. Increasing awareness requires noticing and questioning automatic thoughts, particularly those which are causing continued painful feelings. Regard your thoughts as a slow-motion film. Look at your internal dialogue frame by frame - notice the millisecond it takes to say "I can't stand it", or the half-second image of a terrifying event. Notice if you are internally describing and interpreting the actions of others: "She's bored ... He's putting me down". excerpt from Rational Thinking by Peter Shepherd EXCHANGE VOCABULARY (c) By: Robert F. Sarmiento, Ph.d. Upset feelings are usually caused by the way we are thinking about what is happening, not the events themselves. To change your feelings (and your behavior), try the following "exchange vocabulary." This idea was given to me by a client, who related it to an exchange list for unhealthy foods. When you first try this new way of thinking, it might not feel right. The more you do it, however, the more natural these realistic beliefs will become. I think you will like the results, but prove it for yourself by giving it a fair try. Good luck' |
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| Instead of thinking: | Try thinking: |
| Must | Prefer |
| Should | Choose To |
| Have To | Want |
| Can't | Choose Not To |
| Ought | Had Better |
| All | Many |
| Always | Often |
| Can't Stand | Don't Like |
| Awful | Highly Undesirable |
| Bad Person | Bad Behavior |
| I am a Failure | I Failed At |
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| Instead of Saying: | Exchange With: |
| I have to do well. | I want to do well. |
| You shouldn't do that. | I prefer you not do that. |
| You never help me. | You rarely help me. |
| I can't stand my job. | I don't like my job. |
| You are a bad boy. | That behavior is undesirable. |
| I'm a loser. | I failed at this one task. |
| I need love. | I want love, but don't need it. |
REBT does not endeavor to eliminate emotions. Quite to the contrary! Emotions are very useful and part of the human advantage --- When Appropriate!
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| Instead of Saying: | Exchange With: |
| Anxious | Concerned |
| Depressed | Sad |
| Angry | Annoyed |
| Guilt | Remorse |
| Shame | Regret |
| Hurt | Disappointed |
| Jealous | Concern for my realtionship |
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