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Don't leave yet! Yes this word "abstinence" is a very scary word to many,
especially those in the early stages of recovery. Your whole body may
convulse saying, "I'll do anything, just don't ask me to stop forever." This
is normal. If this is how you feel, give this abstinence idea a breather and
not confront it right away, but listen up and keep your mind open. Here are
some answers to your questions.
Why? - What we know is that after one has developed a severe addiction, the
simplest, easiest, safest and most sure way is, ultimately, total abstinence.
This is not to say one might not go thorough a period of "day at a time," or
"week at a time," or even try a "harm reduction" approach. Still, if you
want the best and easiest way to minimize the problems in your life, go for
abstinece eventually. It actually is much easier to just give it up entirely
than punish yourself trying to moderate or control your addictive behavior.
Studies have shown that regardless of the method employed to become sober,
the number one factor for sobriety success is a permanent commitment to never
use again; a commitment to abstinence.
When? - Some of you are ready right now. You have experienced enough
consequences in your life that no one needs to tell you that you have had it
with your addictive behavior. You just need some tools to help you. If you
are just starting your recovery program you may need time to come to a
decision on a commitment to abstinence before it is really firm in your
heart. It needs to be something that you are really committed to and not
just something you would like to do. Stick with the program and let the
decision build in your heart. When you are ready, you'll know it.
Is abstinence the only way? - No it isn't as studies have shown there is a
small percentage of people who can return to moderate drinking in some
cultures. Still, the chance of your being successful is very slim and doing
so is not worth considering when one considers the risks. As one member
said, "What's the point of having only one drink anyway. I want a whole
case!" If your own life has been a mess because of your addictive behavior,
why chance it? What has the empirical evidence in your own life been? Have
you tried to moderate and not been successful? Then that's your answer.
Some addictions such as eating and sometimes sexual addictions cannot use
abstinence and therefore moderation is the proscribed course of action. But,
even in these instances commitment to moderation is an important factor for
success.
How? - First of all, as mentioned earlier, don't make a commitment until you
are firm in your path to sobriety. Second, realize a commitment to sobriety
is not a commitment to be forever perfect. Before you consider that to be a
license to relapse, it is not. The reality for alcohol addictions, for
example, is that people have an average of two and a half relapses in their
ultimate turn to permanent sobriety. Many never have a relapse and that can
be you. A commitment to sobriety means that you are committed to a course of
action come hell or high water. It doesn't mean you won't be tempted or even
succumb. We are not perfect beings and breaking a commitment is not the same
as giving one upon one. A permanent commitment merely means we are committed
to a course of action for the future and we will do every thing in our power
to fulfill and maintain that commitment.
When you are ready, say to yourself, "I will never, ever use again."
Reinforce that commitment any way you can and one of the best ways is to keep
clearly in mind why you are making it. The consequences of using should
always be remembered, not in a morbid fashion, but in a realistic portrayal
of why you have chosen sobriety. The addictive behavior just isn't worth it
anymore.
What if I slip? - Learn from it and don't beat yourself up. Ask what led up
to the relapse. Ask yourself what were the excuses you gave yourself to use
and dispute them. Your commitment isn't broken and you can just renew your
resolve. Forgive yourself and remember that a commitment applies to what we
plan for the future.
What can I expect? - If you continue to use you know what will happen. If
you try to do it a day at a time, the "enemy voice" will work its way like a
worm in the back of your head constantly probing for an opportunity and
biding its time until the day is right and you are weak. A permanent
commitment to abstinece means we aren't going to fight this battle daily, but
rather devote ourselves to sobriety forever no matter what. Ours is a "no
excuses" program. There is a feeling of freedom that results from this
commitment where one doesn't have to recommit every day. We know what our
commitment is. Combined with a consistent and aggressive disputing of urges
to use, most find their messages to use (The "enemy" voice) either decrease
to nothing or are very infrequent and easily handled. It may not be easy to
see now, but your life can be restored to where you are in control, not your
addiction and the urges will recede to an unpleasant memory. You don't have
to live in a constant battle with these painful, nagging urges. Will they go
away forever? Possibly, but one must always be on guard for them as they can
reappear years later. Be ever vigilant, but ever hopeful and know that you
can have your life back.
Michael Werner
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